habibiti: (Default)
( May. 11th, 2009 10:32 pm)
So here's to having another place to brain dump. I closed my LJ account months ago because it was too widely known and published and watched/stalked/etc. I need someplace new to put the swirling thoughts and underachieved ambition that lives inside my head. This is not a knitting blog, though I may at times talk about knitting since it is basically my whole life, but more often than not there is going to be a whole lot of sulking, self depreciation and inner torment.

Let's start with this: I'm graduating from college in a week. Should be a happy occasion, no? Something to be super proud of? I'm not. I didn't graduate from high school and it's taken me 5 years and 2 colleges to end up with an associates degree without any declared major. Oh sure, I have a shit ton of credits in Sociology and if I was patient enough to wait another semester I would have an associates in sociology at the very least. But no, I was so motivated by just not letting my brothers graduate college before me that I had to rush it.

I'm walking with my honor sash and cords even though I was removed from the honor society over a year ago for falling below the required GPA. I can still 'legally' walk with the sash and cord because technically I'm alumni. I feel really, um, shitty I think is the word I'm looking for, that I don't get the 'high honors' recognition when my name is announced though. There are plenty of excuses for this; I've worked full time the whole time I've been in college. I was managing a coffee house, taking full course loads each semester AND was the regional president for the honor society all at the same time and I buckled under the pressure. I know something had to give and unfortunately it was my excellent GPA. Now, granted, I still have a pretty decent GPA (3.34) but not 'high honors' good.

Ugh, even writing this out has given me a headache. I'm going to put on my game face and I'm going to walk across that stage next week and make this promise to myself: I'll do better next time.
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